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CSGO Ranks Explained

Silver 1 – No keyboard, no mouse, game sense of a chimp. You have to in reality TRY to be this bad.

Silver 2 – If flashed: panic and throw all your nades! Buy the most expensive gun you can and never eco. Reaction time of a walrus.

Silver 3 – Run n’ Gun rank. P90 and Auto snipers. Never stop moving. Throw your flashbangs when all enemies have died. What’s head armor?

Silver 4 – Players here begin to notice a small circle which seems to rotate as they rotate on their screen. Disregarded until Silver Elite. M4A4 begins to be used here. Running and gunning is still very common.

Silver Elite – Attempt to copy pro player lives with minimal success. Players here now sometimes stop before firing, however are also easily startled. The sound of a Negev reverts them back to their Silver 2 Stage.

Silver Elite Master – ‘I’m basically Gold Nova 1, but my teammates are holding me back’. Begin to learn intricate callouts at this rank. More usage of the Minimap here.

Gold Nova 1 – Euphoric Explosion Rank. Players here begin to think they’re hot shit. Many players here have the aim of a soggy potato salad, but the game sense of a mutilated cheese burger.

Gold Nova 2 – Players here begin to brag to their friends in school they finally reached the rank of two-star General in a bomb planting game. Friends are unimpressed. Slightly higher usage of the minimap, begin to learn smokes, KennyS is the name of the guy who picks up the sniper rifle.

Gold Nova 3 – Super intense about csgo. Breaks down into tears when demoted back to Gold Nova 2, has a party when they get their extra star. Reaction time of shampoo.

Gold Nova Master – THE AK IS ALMOST MINE. Friendships are destroyed here. Betrayal, cheating, and hardships come with getting out of this rank. As if getting the AK will make them any better.

Master Guardian 1 – King of the Noobs. You are finally almost Average in terms of skilled csgo players. You know what a smoke is, and how to use a flashbang. You have slight PTSD when someone on your team buys a negev and rushed into A site.


Master Guardian Elite – Basically a mix of people who know what they’re doing, and people who own a shitload. You are now Mediocre, in terms of skilled CS. WELCOME TO CEVO PUGS!

Distinguished Master Guardian – You can taste the feathers on your tongue. The eagle is near. Somehow nothing will let you leave this rank. The star is forever. Forever. Forever….

Legendary Eagle – You know how that Macklemore guy walks down the street with this pimp jacket in the thrift shop song? That’s you. You feel top of the world, but realize that there are others who could easily destroy you. Reaction time of a startled Teenage girl. Moral level: 0.

Legendary Eagle Master – Carried to this rank, or the most fucking impossible and difficult rank to leave in the history of counter strike. You know every smoke, every flash, and have downloaded countless apps to help you with your smokes and flashes. You are a library of CSGO information and play this game, and only this game. The last time you saw light from the outside was when you forgot to close your blackout blinds, and suffered second degree burns.

Supreme Master First Class – ‘ALL those syllables and you still don’t know what the smoke for vents from truck on Cache is!’ -Your Gold Nova 2 friend. Seasoned player, has played with nearly every type of Toxic individual CSGO has to offer.

The Global Elite – You make up 0.5% of the CSGO community. You are the rank everyone wishes to be. Yet still, when you join an ESEA match you come back with 1 Rws and complain that your team didn’t try.

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